time and space

I suppose that's really what's going through my head at this time of the day. 3:10am on a Tuesday morning. I'm stuck on these two things.
Recently, I've had one of those major upheavals of my life. Or perhaps a sudden awareness of the chaos and displacement in which I've chosen to live. That I've accepted for myself to live in. That I deserve?
Maybe because I watched a movie recently with a person whom I've had mixed feelings and actions with. I'm sure the last few dating experiences have left me with great questions after great confusion and mixed feelings. Maybe my recap on the sheer spectrum of my google.com searches for answers to questions both mundane and extreme in their topics scared me into this. No doubt my career shift from one of high intensity to the lowest societal impact is a part of this as well. I've certainly been given the gift of time to reflect, review and reconsider a great deal of things.
Time has suddenly become...finite.
And space has become...restrictive.
The two things that my 19 year old self had always seen as limitless and unending, the 31 year old me has suddenly turned my great attention to them both. And I find them to be at the wrong ends of the scale from where they should be in the 'great plan'.
I guess that's why I've decided to start this. Writing has always let me see and process what goes on in my own head. Even though I'll never hold these pages in my hand, there remains a certain tactility of it, if only in the process of writing it.
This is the part where I say 'I feel sleep coming on....I'll write more tomorrow', but really I'm going to look at my ceiling for a while, and tr to work the questions out of my head for the rest of the night. Then hope that I'll dream something and write them here later.
My dreams have always been fun to share anyway.